Tantric practices
for lovers
By Diane Riley
Many women sense that their sexuality
is much more expansive and powerful than they
or their partners may be prepared to acknowledge
or explore. Perhaps we are hesitant to do so because
we are not quite sure where this will take us.
Yet some of us have had a glimpse of a sacred
sexual experience and know there is more. Increasingly
women and men want to explore the sacred aspects
of sex and relationship to discover ways that
sexual loving can open the doors of enlightment
for their beloved and themselves.
In some ancient cultures when a woman was in
a high state where sexuality was combined with
spirituality, it was said she was in the presence
of the goddess of love and sexuality and by embodying
some aspects of this goddess we are able to enjoy
our lovemaking a whole lot more.
Today the study of sacred sexuality is a wonderful
context to explore relationship and conscious
lovemaking, where both men and women, single and
in partnership can expand conscious awareness
on a personal and spiritual level ; body , heart
and soul.
Contemporary tantra offers many practical skills
and frames of reference to assist modern lovers
on the path of love, relationship and sexuality.
Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India
and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism
from China. Both involve balancing the male and
female energies to create harmony and have an
ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known
as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore
every aspect of life. So obviously the study of
sexuality was included, not only included but
in fact revered.
Making love was seen as divine, as a gift to
God. So there was no repression or guilt attached
to sex. It taught that when a man approaches his
beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if
he were going into a temple. How would that be
for you if your partner was aware of that aspect
of tantra?
For my partner Kerry and me, tantra is a journey
and a spiritual path which it can be for you individually
or with a partner to experience your highest potentials;
physically, emotionally and spiritually. In tantric
loving you develop your ability to accept and
feel more love and to express and give more love
on every level. It gives you a frame work to explore
sexuality and relationship in a sacred way.
If you’re single by developing tantric
practices and skills you may find your magnetic
attractiveness is increased and as a result may
draw to yourself a suitable partner and when you
do, you’ll have extra skills to develop
and share
which will help maintain a nurturing and passionate
partnership. If already in
relationship you and your partner will be opened
up to new heights of love and it will help keep
love and passion alive even in a long term relationship
Tantric lovemaking and relationship can add to
the ways you experience love in 3 major areas:
Firstly: It teaches you ways to open to more
love so that your heart truly opens.
Secondly: It gives you ways to reach heightened
states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms
of normal sex.
Thirdly it teaches Sacred Sex- ways to transform
your lovemaking into a sacred experience which
will touch you on every level of your being, body,
heart and soul.
Tantra requires a committed willingness to honestly
examine your own limitations and resistances in
the areas of heart felt emotion, sexuality and
love that inhibit you from developing your potentials.
We all have some blockages or other which restrict
the amount of love and pleasure that we can feel
and enjoy and restrict also the amount of love
we extend to others including our partners.
The kundalini energy, the sexual life force
that sits in the base of the spine rises and provides
us with energy and inspiration we need for this
transformation, to help unlock these blockages
and to give us the insights and the awareness
to make positive changes on physical and emotional
levels, which enables us to open up more and more
to our full creative potentials. Tantra teaches
us the ways to awaken and transform our kundalini
energy into creativity and healing.
How much love do you feel in your life
right now?
Sadly, all too often we hold back and protect
our love because we are afraid that if we surrender
to it, we will get hurt. Perhaps, some time in
the past we may have opened our heart and been
hurt. Someone leaves us, someone lets us down,
someone cheats on us. So we protect ourselves
by building up layers of defense around our heart.
Yet we all know that it is only love that makes
us feel whole. We all have a great need for love
and it’s only when we fully open up to it
that we will feel complete. We need to trust again
to 'let go'. If we get hurt again, then in my
mind at least, this is preferable to only living
life in a state of 'half loving'. Through contemporary
tantra we can learn ways to heal and strengthen
the heart so we can safely let down some of our
barriers.
Copyright 2005. Spectra 2000 P/L
Take time to listen to your heart.
For this exercise I suggest you put on some heart
opening music like Vivaldi or Deva Premal. Sit
quietly and put your hands over your heart, paying
attention to any physical sensation you may feel
- tightness, heaviness, lightness, whatever. Now,
pay attention to any feelings that may arise such
as joy, laughter, sadness. Give yourself a few
minutes to experience whatever it is you can feel.
If you are doing this with a partner, then perhaps
hold each other in a warm embrace. Don't talk;
rather concentrate on your feelings of love. If
you are doing this exercise alone, then just put
your hands on your heart chakra, in the centre
of your chest - right hand over left.
The heart is a great teacher if we learn to listen
to it. By being aware of what it is, we experience
our emotions and take time to savor the ‘good’
things. We are also able to give attention to
uncomfortable feelings like hurt, anger, guilt,
frustration, sadness and disappointment. Be conscious
of your breathing and use the out breath to release
and let go of the tension associated with these
feeling. If we can do this, then we are in a better
position to heal or to take responsibility for
these feelings rather than them remaining a shadow
of energy that builds to eruption point creating
continual disharmony and drama in our lives.
What was your education about sex?
Our attitudes to sex have been greatly influenced
by our up- brining in a society which gave many
of us mental associations with sex of fear, guilt,
secrecy and shame. Although you may feel this
doesn’t impact on you now they often are
imbedded in our subconscious and affect our ability
to truly feel all the bliss and ecstasy that can
occur during lovemaking.
Who taught you about sex? Was it someone skilled
in the arts of tantra, versed in two thousand
years of lovemaking secrets? And your first sexual
experience, was that a right of passage a wonderful
journey into the secrets of lovemaking? Did you
see it as an art form, a gift of God? Not likely
I bet.
Taoist sexuality writings say, the woman is like
water and the man is like fire. What normally
happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly.
Conscious men, need to be able to make love as
long as necessary to satisfy their women and at
the same time reach higher orgasmic states themselves.
For men, ejaculation mastery is an essential skill
to master so that during lovemaking they can learn
to flow with that energy while at the same time
their beloved is feeling that energy and is being
warmed up to higher orgasmic states. To find out
more click here
There are two exercises, two techniques that
will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C.
Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.
These exercises are also beneficial for women
to extend pleasure for herself and to give more
pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the
major muscle of contraction in both sexes for
orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations
of pleasure.
The P.C. muscle extends from the base of the
spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to
the front of the body where it is connected to
the pubic bone. A good way to locate the P.C.
or love muscle for yourself is that next time
you are urinating try to stop the flow of urination
in mid stream.
Another secret is working with your breath. What
most men do as excitement builds up is hold their
breath as they get close to climax. If men are
to reverse the flow of sexual energy the best
way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.
For women to enhance your own ecstasy you can
us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You
can use this at peaks of energy to trigger orgasm
or to spread the orgasmic energy throughout the
body.
Tantra Lovemaking as a spiritual practice.
Many people know about meditation and are curious
how to incorporate it as a tantric practice. White
Tantra is when you do your meditation alone; Red
Tantra is when you combine your practice with
a partner. Both are profound and powerful.
Setting the physical environment is important.
Taking a little time to clean and beautify your
room or space, the use of candles, flowers, essence
all help to make the transition from the ordinary
to the extraordinary. While in sexual embrace
, the use of meditative skills such as breath
awareness, being totally in the moment, muscle
awareness, being heart connected, giving and receiving
pleasure can change lovemaking into a sacred experience
opening the doors of expanded awareness and insight.
When this is experienced it is said the god and
goddess of love have danced on the ceiling and
leave their gifts of bliss to resonant with you
in your daily life.
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Diane Riley, author ‘Sexual Secrets of
Men’, co- creator “The Secrets of
Sacred Sex’ video and director with her
partner Kerry Riley of The Australian School of
Tantra. They run weekend Tantra workshops for
singles and couples throughout Australia.
Copyright 2005. Spectra 2000 P/L
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